THE BEER MAT CONSPIRASY

Have you noticed tables

Empty in the pub ?

Devoid of cardboard Beer mats

Where stacks of them once stood



“ The Ashtrays “ & “ The Speed Humps “

They both have had their say

But what about us Beer Mats ?

It’s time we had our day



No Newspaper announcements

Nothing on the news

We’ve all just disappeared

No Ballot of our views



Who made this mad decision ?

To take us all away

Whilst Drinkers in their Millions

Rely on old Drip trays



Down & outs did use us

For plugging holes in shoes

And wedged in wobbly table legs

And blocking up the loo’s



Lovers rowing at the table

Tearing me apart !

I’m crying tears of dripped beer

Even Beer Mats have a heart



Drunken games of ‘ Frisbee ‘

Were played with me before

And love poems written on me

But none of this, no more



The game of ‘ Flip-the-Beer Mat ‘

You won’t see nowadays

Now flashing ‘ One-Armed Bandits ‘

Amuse in other ways



One thing always puzzled me

While thinking, this and that

“ Which tree was my Father ? And

Why were we all called ‘ Matt ? “



Remember us dear drinker

A heart it beats within us

My favourite ‘ Tipple ‘ of the night

Was when they spilt “ The Guinness “ !



I went off for recycling

Gone back to ’ Meet my Maker ‘

You’re probably just now reading me

Upon recycled paper